fill your cup, first

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Please take care of yourself! Do the thing that matters to you and do it every single day. Put you first, for once, no matter the cost.
Been feeling down, lately, really down. I sat last night, crying, telling my husband that I neglect my needs, especially on the weekends. I used to spend endless hours painting. When I paint, I feel like my best self, my true self. I have to carve out time to feel like my true self. I stopped painting & replaced it with cleaning and cooking and laundry and soccer practice and making lunches and making bottles and driving to ballet practice. I used to be a hot yogi. I love hot yoga and I would walk out afterwards feeling like a whole new woman, but I stopped going. It was my grounding place & I felt closer to God in that hot room where I shared my positive energy with those sweaty beings around me. I must make time to feel like a whole new woman, again, because my wants and needs are just as important as those of my loved ones.
Why do we stop being who we are when we become moms?

Why do we stay silent about our needs?

There is great danger in not voicing our needs, in not doing the very things that make us jump full force out of bed every morning filled with excitement and drive and passion. I stopped dreaming, lately. I must make time to dream and visualize and wish and hope. I must put into practice my true vision for my life. Not ready to share that with you yet.
VOICE what makes you tick, VOICE what makes you happy, & VOICE what makes you burst with excitement. DO everything you can to fulfill those wishes. REQUIRE your spouse to commit to helping you carve out uninterrupted time for you, no matter what.

What makes you light up: creating art, doing yoga, reading, going for a run, joining a bible study group, joining a book club, or taking a quiet coffee break? We have to take care of ourselves by doing the very things that matter to us and we have to do it no matter what & we have to do it today.
I took the kids to preschool and they are there all day, so I can do the things that feed my spirit and make me feel alive and whole: warm chili eating, reading multiple books without interruptions, blogging, cuddling with Jack, writing my heart out, shopping online, and more chili eating. Do what feeds your soul, or your tummy, and do it for you and do it no matter what. No excuses. Self-care, self-compassion, self-love, & self-esteem building can’t be put on the back burner any longer. These things are vital.

If we do not take our lives by the reigns and schedule time for the very things that bring us joy and happiness, we will become a slave to those around us. We will be taken and hung on and relied on and we will be run ragged by others and there will be nothing left to give to ourselves. Don’t do it. Carve out time. Schedule your life. Schedule your time. Otherwise, you will become resentful and snappy and angry and annoyed and we will stop enjoying our lives because we will not be doing a single thing for ourselves anymore. We can’t give to others what we don’t give to ourselves. Give to You.

I have not grabbed my life by the balls and made me a priority. It’s my fault. If we don’t decide what our days will look like, we will just go with the flow and life will take us for a roller coaster ride of ups and downs and twists and turns. We are in control of us and we need to let our loved ones know what we need in order to be our best and happiest selves. If we do not voice our wants and needs, we will not feel whole and as happy as we could. & we will only have ourselves to blame. As soon as I told my B what I needed, he was so amazingly supportive. It took a split second to change my whole life. When we are vulnerable, healing happens.

Maybe we need to do check-ins with ourselves. In the morning, we need to do a self-check: 1. What do I need to feel whole today? Write it down 2. How do I take care of me today? Write it down 3. How can I take time for me today? Write it down. You are not allowed to put housework or chores or errands for the family on that list.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOU? Share what you need from those you live with to get your needs met. Men need things spelled out word for word. Don’t expect them to know. They don’t. Are you an introvert? Write it all down & make him read it.

Fuck the dishes and the floors and the laundry and the piles. This is your life we are talking about and nothing is more important. You matter and you must carve out time for you, in order to renew your spirit and to remind yourself that you have dreams and hopes and goals and passions that are unique to you. Make a vision board. You mustn’t put what matters to you on hold because of your family’s wants and needs. You are unique and one of a kind and filled with gifts and strengths that the world wants and needs to see and you need to fulfill. Don’t stop creating and writing and crafting and doing the very things you love because you have kids. Show your children that you have passions.Tell your kids that you & your feelings matter as much as they do.

& don’t you for a single moment allow someone to tell you your dreams are too big, that you are too big for your britches, that you won’t get that Lexus or fulfill that expensive vision. Do not limit yourself based on someone else’s lack of belief in you. Dream it and live it. Share your dreams with those that have earned the right to hear your story. Be very careful who you share with.
There are very few that I can share my huge & costly dreams with. I can count them on one hand. Share your dreams with the wrong person and be ready to feel less than & small & unsupported. Pick those that dream big with you, that support your vision and will help you get there.

Last night, Hope was ranking our importance. She kept saying that she was number 1, James was number 2, dad was number 3, and mom was number 4. After a few minutes, I shook my head and said we should all be number one because we all matter and are special and all of our needs deserve to be met with care and love and compassion and with care. No one human is better than the other. Either we all matter or none of us matter. We are all number one and we look out for each other and do for others what we would want them to do for us. I told her that moms have wants and needs, too. That sleep and relaxation and time with friends is important. We have feelings just like her. She looked at me funny. & then went back to listing us, numerically, always placing her at number 1 and mom at number 4. Someday she’ll get it, but for now, I’m going to model the importance of treating us all equally & as the special human beings that we are. I’m certain I trained her to believe I am last. I’ll be retraining that lesson. LOL! 4 year olds are egotistical.

Pick one thing to do for you and do whatever is necessary to fulfill that one thing that makes you smile a little more and stress a little less. Maybe you keep the sitter for an extra hour, maybe you keep the kids at school for an afternoon, maybe you hire a cleaning lady and stay in bed all damn day with your cat & a ‘do not disturb’ sign attached to your door. Maybe you enroll your two-year old in preschool to give yourself a minute to breathe.

Told my husband last night that I must make time on the weekends for me, alone & out of the house. I must or I will go insane. I require it to be my very best self and if I don’t get what I absolutely crave, I will turn into a raging bitch and I’ll be naggy and unhappy and in a bad mood. He’s on board. It’s amazing how supportive people will be if you just speak your mind and tell them what you want and need. It is in the sharing that leads us to the compassion from others.

 

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