soft belly

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An interesting thing happened after Hope & I stepped out of the shower this afternoon. We both went to change clothes at the same time, while James napped in his crib, soundly. We met back in my bedroom. Hope stared @ me & then she pointed to my tummy, as I was wearing fitted black short shorts & a loose-fitting pink v-neck tee. She said, “It looks like you are having another baby, mama.” I got really sad all of a sudden because I’ve let myself go as of late. & today, in particular, I was being hard on myself. Perhaps Hope sensed something with me was off. This is what I’ve been indulging in lately: margaritas, comfort food galore, queso, emotional/ anxiety ridden election eating, frequent fro yo trips, & more emotional eating. I may have a small addiction to fast food because it’s easy & yummy & convenient. Hope continued. She pointed to my boobs stuffed into a pink sports bra. She poked each of my breasts & said, “It looks like you are having twins up here.” I got really down on myself. Ordered a salad for dinner & planned a run (that never happened). I immediately texted a few peeps just so they could tell me I still got it! Lol! After further reflection, I realized this: I love love to eat, I don’t work out, I have 2 children (under 5), & I gained 50 pounds with each pregnancy. I breastfed them both for almost 2 years each. I’m 38, not 28 I’m damn near 40, y’all. I love sweets & breakfast egg sanwhiches & comfort food. I’d rather not get on the scale. I love olive oil & butter & bagels & bread & cheese & salami & pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Hope continued. During our 5 minute mandatory cuddle session @ bedtime, I was rubbing Hope’s arm, ever so softly. I began telling her how unbelievably smooth her skin was. She began to rub my arm, ever so softly, then she told me my skin was really, really rough. I mentioned her skin only being 4.5 years old & mine being 38 years old. Then she says, “That’s old.” Kids say funny things. They are so transparent & real & brave & fearless. I’m older & wiser & softer-bellied. These days, as a stay at home mom, I care less about my appearance & more about making the world better, somehow. I dress for comfort, embrace my messy bun, & rarely wear makeup during the week. That’s ok, right? I’m truly more concerned about spending time with my babes & less concerned about my clothes & my overall look. I will say this: I truly envy those beautiful moms at school drop off that look flawless & gorgeous & showered! They look so pretty- how?!?!?! My husband is out of the house by 5, this mama ain’t got no time for a shower & make up! Maybe someday! Lol! Rock on, beautiful gals! Looking good! Aging is inevitable, so I’ll embrace the hell out of it & continue to wear my sweet pea scented diamond glitter spray til’ the day I die. Never ever too old for pink & glitter, day in & day out, right?! Embrace your body for what it is & be oh so careful with how you speak about your body in front of your littles. They are listening & taking notes. & we are writing on the slates of how our kids are going to feel about their own bodies.  Be aware. Indulge a little, for crying out loud, ya only live once. Pass the freaking butter popcorn & cherry coke, please!

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