Stop Fixing & Start Being by Melissa Rosella

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Listening to Pandora is a favorite pastime of mine. I’ve yet to upgrade to the commercial free & more skips Pandora option. I think I need to do that, asap, as the commercials are filled with ‘fix you’ ads. I’ve had enough of the ‘fix you’ ads.

A few I’ve heard lately:

  1. Cool-sculpting
  2. Fat freezing
  3. Invisalign
  4. Fix your dry skin

There are  billboards all along Indian School Road advertising everything from Botox to permanent makeup to tummy tucks.

What in the world has happened to our society?

We’ve become a ‘fix it’ obsessed world. We’ve become fixated on trying to be more of something or less of something. Why fix something that is not broken?

Whatever happened to eating healthy & working out at a pace that makes sense for us? What are these messages & ads teaching our youth?

Here’s the message being sent to our kids & impressionable adults (like me):

“You are not good enough, as you are, but… if you (fill in the blank: get Botox, get a tummy tuck, & get your smile fixed) you will be good enough.”

There is no arrival. You are the answer to your best being. The answers are within you. You will not find your worth at the gym, in fat freezing, in teeth whitening, in tummy tucking, in nose surgery, or in boob enhancement. 

Whatever happened to embracing what we already have & loving what the good Lord created us to be? How’s that for a philosophy?

We spend so much time:


punishing ourselves,

berating ourselves in the mirror,

comparing ourselves to others,

pinching our excess skin,

poking at what is wrong,

perfecting ourselves,

judging ourselves,


evaluating what is wrong.

It’s become unhealthy. Eating well (common sense) is healthy. Working out (common sense) is healthy. Brushing your teeth is healthy. Embracing your imperfect pearly whites is healthy. Accepting your post baby boobs is healthy. Embracing your love handles is healthy. Staying active is healthy.

I’ve spent time fixing myself to: be more skinny (sit ups & I are enemies), have whiter teeth (love coffee & tea too much), be more kind (I’m kind enough), become more toned (the gym & I are not friends), be more perky (thank God for Victoria’s Secret), be more patient (thank God for prayer), be less anxious (Prozac & I are friends), be more focused (thank you Vyvanse), be a more positive person (yoga is life-changing), be more forgiving (thanks, Landmark), & more & more & more & more.




I’m over it. I’m going to work towards taking care of me & teaching my children to do the same. I’ll do so without comparing them to others, as comparison is the thief of joy. I will do so without insisting what clothes they should wear & pushing them to style their hair ‘just so.’ We will not discuss weight. We will not weigh ourselves, nitpick, or poke at ourselves. I’ve forgotten a few times and Brian has caught me. We will slip up, but do our best to stay on track.

I’ll encourage my children to do what is right even if it is not the popular choice and even if they are standing alone. We will work to embrace the messiness of life, the asymmetrical side of things, and the abstractness that makes up our lives.

Self-acceptance is important. It starts with us. To teach self-acceptance, we have to work to completely accept ourselves, as we are.  Healthy striving is a good thing. Modeling healthy striving is key.

When we poke, prode, pick, nitpick, judge, and evaluate, we are teaching our children to do the same.

Stop nitpicking, perfecting, evaluating, judging, comparing, & fixing.

Start: accepting, embracing, loving, eating healthy, exercising in moderation, & loving.

Just love.

Just be. 

Just embrace. 

Just accept. 

If we want to teach self-acceptance and unconditional love, we have to model self-acceptance and unconditional love of self.

This idea that we need to be fixed is warped. It sends the message that we are broken, flawed, or less than in some way. We are not broken, flawed, or less than. 

Do broken crayons color? Yes.

Do cars with rust still get us from point A to point B? Yes.

Do saggy boobs still feed our newborn babies? Yes.

Do our noses still smell without getting a nose job? Yes.

Will our lips still be able to kiss our partners without lip injections? Yes.

If no one has told you, lately:






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