The BrEaKdOwN that Became a BREAK THROUGH by Melissa Rosella

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Had a psychiatrist appointment, Friday. I sort of had a breakdown. I broke down, BROKE THROUGH, in my psych’s office. Told her life has been extremely hard lately. Not going to list why. It’s all about rejection. Rejection, of any kind, at any degree, SUCKS.

I’ve always been pretty good at taking care of those around me. I check in with friends when I’m able. I call home and check on my mom, weekly. I am constantly catering to my children, waiting on them hand and foot, making sure they are hydrated, well- fed, and entertained.

I do my best to provide a meal that is edible at night for my family to eat. Ha! Most recently, I’m determined to make super-duper healthy protein-packed and veggie stuffed meals. Eating out typically makes my stomach hurt and results in me ordering the most fattening thing possible on the menu. I must say no to the temptations that will provide temporary happiness and long-lasting yuckiness, later.

Self-care is something I have to work at. Creating makes me feel free.

There is a reason I feel so at peace when I color, craft, & create collages right alongside my children.

There is no better way for me to feel at peace than to paint. Painting brings me such joy and peace because there is no right or wrong or one answer. There is no one size fits all or one single way to paint. The creativity is in the eye of the artist. I feel most like me when I paint, especially when I go crazy with my unconventional materials: plastic knives, straws, makeup brushes, and more. It’s stress relieving to create without a goal in mind or even a direction. I just mix colors and make new ones and keep adding and scraping and beautifying until I feel as though my painting is complete. Perhaps that is the hardest part, I never quite know when my canvas is done. Maybe it is a work in progress. Maybe everything in life is just a work in progress. I will paint more.

Self-care is something I have to work at. I am wired for connection, human connection. 

I often lock myself away and isolate and hide from the world. The truth is, I absolutely need people. I need to speak to them, hear them, love on them, admire their children, compliment them, and connect with them. I need to be seen and heard. Hiding makes me sad. Isolating makes me depressed. Hiding from the world only brings me down and makes me compare my life to that of others. Comparison is the theif of joy. I will socialize. I will connect, person to person.

Self-care is something I have to work at. Facebook makes me feel like a piece of shit, at times.

When I spend too much time on Facebook, I start obsessing over other the abs of other more fit women. I start checking how many likes I have on particular photos & posts. I start to compare my amazing life to others. I often find myself coming up short. I log off sadder than when I logged in. & if I message someone and they don’t reply, I equate that with them not caring about me.

Facebook does not bring me peace and joy and solace. There is a lot of bad news out there. I will walk away when I start to feel down. I will try hard not to compare myself to others. I will limit my time on social media.

Self-care is something I have to work at. Writing helps me heal.

Writing is my drug of choice. Writing is my addiction. Writing is what gets me up in the wee hours of the morning and keeps me up in the wee hours of the night. Writing is my way to heal, my way to work through the stresses of life, my path to forgiveness, how I grow, and how I absoulutey heal. It is one stroke at a time, one word at a time, one blogpost at a time. Maybe my writing will help others in small and big ways. I will write more often.

Self-care is something I have to work at. Exercise burns fat, decreases depression,  and eliminates anxiety.

Exercise makes me feel all-powerful, energized, awake, and alive. I sweat more than the average gal. Gross, right? It is most likely due to my addiction to salt. I’m a sweater and the sweat makes me feel like I’m burning fat and fat burning motivates me to push harder and do more. These rolls will be gone because I will work at it until they are. I will exercise more.

Self-care is something I have to work at. I am the food I eat. 

I want to be stronger and leaner. Food is energy. Eating fruits and veggies and protein gives  me the energy and the strength to be my best self. Sugar makes me a crazy person and increases my anxiety. Determined to eat eggs loaded with veggies and smoothies loaded with kale and determined to drink more water, instead of my beloved soda pop that I am definitely addicted to. Damn you, Coke, damn you. I will make more healthy food and beverage choices. 

Self-care is something I have to work at. I am the books I read.

Reading is knowledge. Knowledge is power. I used to read every single night for at least 15-30 minutes. I stopped. I stopped making what I love a priority. I will read every single night long after I put my babies to bed. I will nestle up to my beloved cat and revel in his soothing purrs while I read. I will make time to read. 

Use your life events as life lessons. Make time to take care of yourself. Stop what you are doing, right now, and list what you can start to do, today, to take care of yourself, today.

 

My Happy List:

  1. Paint
  2. Write
  3. Socialize more, isolate less
  4. Exercise
  5. Make healthy food & beverage choices
  6. Limit social media
  7. Love more & compare less
  8. Make me a priority
  9. Read
  10. Smile more & worry less
  11. Laugh more & stress less

 

 

 

 

 

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