I bought James a train table for his 3rd birthday and found a killer deal on one with all the cool accessories via Scottsdale Swip Swap. James has a small obsession with all transportation methods, particularly trains. So, naturally, we have several train track piles and multiple accessories, but not a table and drawers to put all of our cool tracks and trains and stop signs in… until now.
Yesterday, Hope and James were playing so well together, I’d pop in ever so often to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. & when it got too silent, I had to peek because you know there is trouble when there is silence between siblings.
I heard a scuffle. Apparently, it was nap time for the trains and Hope wanted to put them all in the shed to snooze. She had briefly walked away from the shed to gather up the trains for nap time. James, not knowing her plan, grabbed the shed. Hope began screaming at the top of her lungs and accusing James of stealing the shed.
I asked, “Were your hands on the shed? Did you share your request with James?”
“No.” she replied.
She ripped it out of his hand and began to continue her plan. I popped her in time out after I noticed she’d been a little too forceful in her approach with James. She pushed a chair over and threw a large pillow at James’ head. Actually, she launched it at his head and so… I started the timer over again.
She wailed and screamed and wailed some more. I didn’t waiver with my 5 minute timer. I remained calm.
Afterwards, she yelled that her time out had been unfair and I asked, “Did you have your hands on the shed?”
“No, but James took the shed!!!!!” she insisted.
“How did James know that you wanted to put the trains to sleep? Did you mention your plan to him? Is he a mind reader?”
I continued, “Did you have your hands on the shed?”
Well… no!” she said.
I continued, “Let’s chat facts, Hope. You walked away with your hands off the shed, which freed the shed up for others to play with. James walked over and picked it up to play with it. You got mad because you wanted to play with it. You ripped it out of his hands. You became upset, so you kicked over a chair and threw a pillow at his head.”
Hope nodded and it looked as if a lightbulb had suddenly lit up in her head. She looked at James and said, “I’m sorry!!!”
I devised a plan, James could hold the shed for 5 minutes and then hand it over to Hope for 5 minutes.
All of a sudden, without being prompted, James handed over the shed. Suddenly, Hope asked James if he wanted to put all the trains to sleep in the shed by putting all of their parts together and encouraged working as a team. He nodded and off they went.
I think we get really wrapped up in our justifications, assumptions, and presumptions. I think it shaves off our happiness and we get really wrapped up in our feelings about what happens instead of sticking to the truth of what happens. We smash together WHAT HAPPENS and OUR FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS. It ignites our anger and accelerates our hurt. Why do we do this?
I’ve decided that I’m going to do my very best to stick to the facts and if I have to write the facts down and the feelings about the facts down, to fully wrap my mind around the actual events and the feelings I invent, I’ll do so to prevent more heartache for myself.
I think this is profoundly important to teach our children. I think it is so important. I will make it my mission to point out the facts to my children and their feelings about those facts, so they see that they create their own feelings and the events are the only things that are 100% true.
If we could just stick to the facts, the actions that took place, and stick to the truth, we’d prevent a lot of havoc and heartache in our lives.
If I could just stick to the facts of what actually happened, reality, not my feelings about the story, I’d be such a happier person. I’ve spent much of my own life mashing what has happened with my feelings about what has happened and it has made me miserable.
Stick to the facts and restate the facts and make certain that you do not focus on the feelings and save yourself the freaking heartaches that you create from your presumptions, assumptions, & false truths that are of your own making, creation, and manifestation. Don’t create heartache for yourself.
You are the author, illustrator, and creator of your own life. Make it the best life you can.