To My Beloved by Melissa Rosella

Posted by

When I focus on the past, I am not in the present. When I focus on the future, I am not in the present. When I focus on the wrongdoings of others, I am not in the present, nor am I aware of how I may have contributed to the wrongdoing. When I focus on past lovers, I am not present to the husband who sits before me. When I focus on others children, I am not present to my own children. When I focus on others marriages, I am not present to my own marriage. When I focus on my wrongdoings, I am not present to my well-doings.

Letting go has always been a struggle of mine. Saying goodbye has always been a struggle of mine.

There are memories I hold so dear to my heart that I wish I could relive them over & over, again. There are memories I wish never ever existed at all, as they are painful reminders of very difficult times in my life.

I choose to let go of past memorable loves to make the biggest room possible for my beloved husband.

I choose to focus on my own marriage, instead of others marriages, to make the very best of what I already have.

I choose to stay off social media a little bit more, to be more present to the beauty that exists in front of me.

I choose to point to myself as a way to be better, instead of pointing outward. I have zero power over others choices, but I do have power over my own choices.

I choose to be aware & vulnerable & blunt.

I’ve spent too much time being the victim, making others responsible for my sad feelings. I’ve played the victim role because it is comfortable. I choose to be a victor, not a victim. I will fall short at times. I will require reminding.

I choose who I spend time with, what music I listen to, what books I read, & what memories to focus on.

I choose what texts I wish to receive.

I choose to respond.

I choose what messages I allow into my soul.

I choose what is my truth based on the words of others.

I choose what words are absolutely untrue.

I choose how I spend each day.

I choose my friends.

I choose my job.

I choose to allow others to define me or I choose to allow me to define me.

I’ve been pretending like I’m a really great person all these years &, at times, I have been. I have also made poor choices that have hurt others & recently it’s been hard to look in the mirror.

I despise hurting others & making others feel anything but pure joy when around me.

I choose to forgive myself for my mistakes, shortcomings, & the hurt I’ve caused.

I so easily forgive others, for big & little things, but struggle forgiving myself.

I effortlessly compliment others, but struggle accepting compliments.

I so easily blame others for causing me pain, but struggle to blame myself for the participation I had in the hurt.

What has been my way of being? How has it been living with me?

I’ve been hard on myself, lately, because the one I love the most, I actually hurt a lot. To know that I hurt someone I love kills me. I know I’m forgiven because we’re working through it, but I still can’t believe I hurt him.

I invite you not to place blame, or to judge others around you, but rather look at who you are being. Who are you being to your loved ones? Are you a soft place to fall? Are you compassionate?

See, I am a soft place to fall outside of my home, I’m the girl that helps & volunteers & helps clean up & aides friends when they need it, but within my 4 walls, this side of me has been lost. I’ve not been a soft place to fall for my beloved for some time. I regret it, but I can learn from it & when we know better, we do better.

What is so incredibly beautiful is that I recognize it & I can change in an instant, with the snap of my fingers. I can be better by making a different choice. I can decide right here, right now, to be different, to be better, to be more loving, & to always do my very best to come from a place of love.

I find comfort in God because He always forgives & gives us do overs. We are forgiven before we even ask to be forgiven, the slate is wiped clean, we are given a new chance, a fresh opportunity to be better, to do better, & to love more.

Perhaps we could do the same for others in our lives, as we are flawed beings.

Give others 1% more grace, a little more love, a sliver more forgiveness, an extra hug, one more smile, a caring foot rub, so they know you absolutely love them & they are your person.

Put the phone down- the phone has become a curtain I hid behind, a way for me to run away from the truth.

When he gets home, I put my phone down & look him in the eye, so he knows he’s mine. I am committed to being better. When there are problems, turn inward, turn towards, don’t look outside or outward. The solution is always within, through the lines of focused communication, focused awareness, stillness, & touch.

I’ve always seen myself as a good human, despite my short comings, I’m still a good human. I am not immune to error. Awareness is key to being better, to a different way of being.

We are all good. Sometimes we lose our way, we get lost, fall off the path, take the wrong fork in the road, but then we can find our way, again, get back on the path, take the right fork, and realign our lives by doing & being our best.

Be present.

Forgive.

Be your best.

Turn inward.

Talk it out.

Communicate.

Realign.

Love.

Be kind.

Love yourself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s